How to tell you are no longer working in the military

As I approach my retirement this month after 26 years in the Army/Army Reserve, my commander thought I should study this list


1. I call my boss Mike, his boss Larry, and his boss Bob.

2. Kiwi regains its meanings as a flightless bird native to New Zealand.

3. I'm now making full use of both arms for carrying items, and
(once I realized I don't wear one anymore) save loads of time not looking for my hat.

4. One look at my new paycheck and I now know why they call it the L.E.S.

5. Any time saved not doing PT in the morning is lost trying to figure out
what to wear to work.

6. I can again use the "passive" voice in my writing without the grammar
police smacking my knuckles.

7. Forget to shave? Just tell 'em you're starting your beard that day!
Haircut? Ha!

8. Can walk to the right side of Mike, Larry, and Bob without violating some
medieval concept of courtesy.

9. Have finally worked "Airborne", "Hoo-Ah", "Air Assault", "Sh*!", and "Fu#@"
out of my daily vocabulary.

10. Business lunches, golfing, and baseball season tickets are considered an
essential part of work.

11. The ability to run long distances quickly and do many push-ups or sit-ups
is not confused for intelligence, leadership potential, or degree of motivation.

12. Have determined brown T-shirts and OD Socks go with nothing in the real world.

13. Can fly to New Zealand to see small flightless birds without having to get
permission and a bunch of signatures on a DA Form 31.

14. Can't remember the last time the shoes I wore to work got any mud on them.

15. Office empties at 515 PM. Only people left behind are ex-military whose
wives couldn't take the shock of seeing their spouses before 700 PM.

16. No guards at the entrance to my subdivision.

17. All the years of learning great cadences wasted on the civilian world.

18. Discovered jumping out of a perfectly good plane on a business trip is a
federal offense.

19. If a cannon goes off at the office at 630 AM or 500 PM you call 911.

20. No harassment from people with nothing better to do than worry whether my
coat is zipped or not.

21. Nobody seems to have heard of AFN, AFRTS, Anthony's Pizza or AAFES.


Last Changed: 02/12/08

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